As I was standing in the Robert Sinskey tasting room the other weekend, watching the tasting room people dealing with some weird stuff, such as a woman coming in from the patio, cupping her hands around a bowl of roasted almonds that were sitting on the bar, and asking (in a voice one would normally reserve for five-year-olds) "is it okay if I take these nuts outside?" I realized that people, they just don't know what to do with themselves in tasting rooms. I see all manner of strange behavior, which is true just about everywhere I go, but tasting rooms seem to engender a type of behavior that you don't see anywhere else.
Of course, one has to tailor behavior to situation. A tasting room like the one I experienced recently at Duckhorn was very different than the one I experienced at Robert Sinskey. Some tasting rooms seem to cater to the lowest common denominator and have sighingly (or greedily) embraced the limos packed with tipsy bridal-shower attendees and carloads of people cruising around Napa looking for a cheap (when you think about it, not even very cheap) buzz. At these tasting rooms, it is not as essential to be interested in the wines because they are mostly looking to get you in and out as fast as they can (hopefully getting you out with several bottles of wine) and often you can't find anyone to ask if you do have questions. Your interest will mostly be wasted. However, err on the side of interest and seriousness until you can be sure that the winery doesn't care.
However, when people who are used to the get-in-get-out show up for the frat party in smaller tasting rooms, disaster ensues. If you are one of those people (and I am sure you are not), you will not see it, but the tasting room staff are certainly rolling their eyes at you behind your back and will be talking about what an idiot you were once you leave. Remember, just because they are nice to you doesn't mean you are not being an idiot.
With this in mind, I have created a very simple list of things to do (and to avoid) to not be the idiot in the tasting room. Yes, they seem obvious, but it still seems many people can't figure this stuff out
How not to be a doofus when tasting wine:
- Do your research. Unless you are doing a spur-of-the-moment thing and are not particular about where you end up, it helps to check out any wineries you want to visit. Some wineries require advance notice if you have a larger party; some only have tastings by appointment. Don't let any of this scare you or make you think the winery is snobby, just give them a call. They are just trying to be prepared, and are usually very accomodating once you talk to them. If you are in a limousine for some reason, know that certain wineries cannot accommodate limos because of location or size.
- If there are signs on the way into the winery/tasting room asking you to please drive under 10 MPH because there are pets/animals/children around the winery or vineyards, this applies to you. Yes, even if you have a red/fast/expensive car.
- Be polite. Don't give attitude to the people giving you tastes, and don't treat them like idiots or slaves. Just because they are pouring the wine for you doesn't mean you are better than they are. A lot of them know more than you do about wine.
- Be interested; ask questions. Show that you are interested in the wine, and that you are not just looking to get a buzz. I think this alone will set you apart a little bit. No questions are dumb, so ask away. In a good tasting room, the staff will be happy to talk about the wine. Tasting room staff try to read people when they come in, so if you are with a group and would rather talk to them, the guy behind the bar will usually stay out of your way for the most part, if he thinks you want him to.
- Don't be afraid of the spit bucket. Especially if you are driving, the spit bucket is your friend. Use it to dump wine out of your glass you don't want to drink, and feel free to use it as an actual spit bucket. It isn't offensive to spit or dump the wine once you have tasted it, even though a lot of people find it intimidating. You can practice spitting at home in the shower, or into the sink, with water, if you want to.
- Use your Inside Voice at all times. No screaming or shrieking is necessary, unless maybe there is an earthquake, and I am not sure about that, even. In general, remember that the tasting room is not a bar at Happy Hour.
- If the bar is crowded, nothing bad will happen if you get your taste and retreat to a less crowded part of the room to discuss/taste it, or if you walk around and look at things.
- If you don't like something, you don't need to announce it loudly to the entire tasting room. I mean, you can, but really, it's unnecessary and won't make you any friends. You don't have to like everything and you don't need to pretend to, but don't be obnoxious.
- The food at the tasting table isn't your lunch, it's to help you clear your palate or give you an idea of how a wine goes with food. Don't abuse it.
- If you have a picnic or lunch outside a winery, don't drink wine from a different winery with your picnic.
- Don't dump or shake your glass out on the floor, unless you are outside (or, I should add, unless you are sure it is okay to do so. And even then, don't shower someone with your wine dregs, and yes, I have seen it happen). I see this more at tastings than I do at wineries, but either way, it's just weird.
- Don't get wasted. Nobody finds it as amusing as you do.
- Don't roll into the tasting room five minutes before they close-- that's not enough time to taste anything.
Anyway, I am sure I missed some good rules, and I haven't stated the obvious like "don't steal the bottles off the bar" or "don't loudly break up with your girlfriend in the tasting room", but you get the idea. Again, it's mostly just common sense!
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